reality check..

what if love is not enough to save us from the reality that we can never be? :((

When a devil met an angel..

You might say I am devil with a good heart..
I am nice but I do get mean most of the time..
I never expected to meet an Angel..
Well, I do know that opposites attract..
but I never did believe it..
Its weird writing this because we have been together for 4 years and 3 months now.. and its I suddenly realized everything just a while ago..

We went to eat at McDonalds.. I hated that branch for the past few months because of the crew and the pathetic service they are providing.. it was rather late already so I knew that they would only have a few counter because only a few would eat at that time.. unexpectedly, I was wrong.. SO WRONG... there were only 2 counters opened and the line was piling up very fast.. and it was four persons in front of us.. and it took forever to get to the counter... I kept on thinking what to say when I get to the counter.. I wanted to complain about the lousy service they are giving the customers.. I was telling that to my honey and he can see I was so frustrated about eating at that branch.. I keep on telling him stories about complaining even at other fast food chains because of very slow service and the other pathetic crew.. again I was complaining about everything.. and last time we argued he was complaining about my newly discovered attitude of being mean and impatient.. so I apologized when we were already eating..

we were eating and there is still a pending order.. we finished eating and the pending order was still not ready.. what the...? but I didn't complain because I know he would be disappointed about me.. when we were eating there are two stray street children that entered the store.. they were going to the counter and fighting inside the store.. they asked money from customers who are waiting for their order.. I thought that they are annoying boys who likes getting into trouble.. I keep looking for a security guard to stop them from straying inside the store... safety for other customers who they are disturbing.. my honey asked me if I was full.. because he wanted to give the fries to the children... I agreed because its what he wanted... but deep inside I was thinking that he shouldn't give it to them because they are rowdy and too disturbing.. but I said he should give them.. when we were leaving he handed the food to the older boy... when we were about to ride a jeepney, I was staring at the two.. the older boy gave the younger one the fries as a whole box/container and was getting the ketchup from the plastic.. my heart melted seeing them happy and sharing.. and I saw honey smiling back to the boys.. I was touched and thought how nice he was compared to what I would be doing.. dont get me wrong I have done good deeds such as that, but I was suprised how different I was judging them..

I realized that he was an angel that God sent to stay by my side.. even if I had treated him bad in some times.. or even acted bad.. he never left my side.. he was there even at my worst.. he was still there at my best... he was always there..

actually I already know how much I wanted to spend every single day of my life with him.. I never played around anymore because I was happy and fulfilled. This night made me realize how much I am lucky even if he is not rich or even if he is still haven't finished college... I wanted to show everyone how down to earth he was.. I already stepped on his pride yet he never said anything against it.. he felt bad that I do most of the things that he should have been doing... but I never regret having to do all those things for him.. he is my everything and I will not give him up for anything in the world...

If only it is easy to make other people realize that money will never buy love..
If only I can tell everyone how he is..
If only I can make my family approve..

I am doing my best to do everything.. and I know how much he wanted to do everything for me..
thats why I love you... <3

10 Years from Now

If I were to be asked where I will be 10 years from now, I see myself as a Licensed Architect who is practicing and currently living in Singapore. I choose Singapore because I had seen the beauty the city has to offer and it really has amazed me compared to other countries I had been, and it is closer to the Philippines so that I can go home, if needed, easily. I wanted to be an Architect in charge of construction, where I would be visiting the construction and not just sitting and designing.  I would have also opened my own small Bakeshop that is well known by everyone, it would serve as my hobby and reliever from stress at work. I would invite my dad to play golf with me at Sentosa and probably visit them often. My friends and I had a deal that we are only allowed to get married after designing and the constructing three (3) buildings, and I am sticking to that Idea  because it would help me focus more in my career before anything.

I can only achieve these goals if I work hard and be more focused on what to do. After I graduate at 2011, I would still need to fill up the remaining hours for internship before I can get the board exams. I would be entering small architectural firms, because I wanted to learn new things and get more hands on activities first. After getting my license, I would be working at Ayala Land Inc and start my career there and grow as an Architect. I choose ALI because of the opportunities that can give me, and when I was working there they gave me an inspiration to be an Architect. I would also have taken my Masters Degree in Business Administration in Ateneo de Manila University or University of the Philippines while working. I would treat my mom, dad and siblings at least once a week and contribute to the fees. At the age of 27, I planned to get married with the man who has been with me for 10 years and start a new life with him and our twins. I decided to do everything according to what I planned, yet shortcomings are always evident, so I will just keep things in control and go with what will happen.

I should always be open to offers that would help me grow and extend to new opportunities that life has to give. I will never give up on my dreams and always keep my feet on the ground and my heart stable. If I don’t start striving hard now, I will never go anywhere, but I know that if I wanted something I can do anything to make it happen. I also know that by getting along with people through communicating and respecting them, I can gain more networks that is needed in this kind of industry. Having a good faith in the Lord and knowing that He would never lead me into any danger is also one of thing I would keep in mind. I am not good in drawing or in drafting, but I reached my fifth year and now currently in the process of completing my thesis. There is no impossible dream, nor unbeatable foes, all I have to do is aim high and go beyond the limits and work hard. It may be hard work to accomplish my dreams, there are constraints and troubles, but I know there will always be happiness to go with it and I know I will make it through no matter what it takes. 

How can make an impossible dream into reality? Just wait and see. J

This is actually my Planning 3 Assignment, but this is really what I am aiming for.

If this isn't love then what is it?

I can't seem to find the right words to express how my heart is feeling at the moment.
I wanna shout! I wanna cry! I never want this feeling to fade away!
Yet I can't believe I am falling in love.. AGAIN?!

unbelievable but true..
Yes i had been in love, I also had my heart broken (many times)
yet i know i already had found the ONE true love i had longed for..
I could not ask anything more from him..
He immediately took my heart away..

What is amazing about him?
I keep on falling for him all over again..
no matter how difficult it is to love him..
no matter how painful it is to keep trying..
still my heart keeps on loving him..

I loved him even when i know we are from different worlds
I never cared what the heck people tell me
I don't even mind what they say behind my back..
what i know is I will keep on loving him until the day I would die

What is the most amazing thing about him?
We had each other at both the good and bad comings,
even managed being strong through all those years
But I kept on breaking his heart
Yes, I am one hell of a heart breaker
yet no matter how much pain I already gave him,
no matter how much suffering and heartaches I added
he never left my side..
he is still there even if i crushed his heart

I can't believe how much he loved me so
but i kept on doing things again..
I can't seem to stop..

I tried my best for him hoping it would be enough
yet i have learned that nothing was "enough" when you love somebody..
you should give more than what is enough..
that is how much you appreciate and love that person..

I am sorry if I kept on breaking your heart..
I am sorry if I am not the best among others..
I am trying my best for you and me..
I know i can never be the "perfect girl" for you..
but what my heart knows is that I love you and that is all you should know

three years and months have passed
but still my heart beats for you..
I can't seem to find the explanation why..
but believe it or not..
i love you so much <3

intrams 2007 @ seton grounds

it was just a simple batch reunion.. lolz.. and we wanted to see who would be the champion in the cheering competition... it was fun even though we got really bored.. but still coming back to seton was such a adrenaline rush... seeing batchmates with long hair with mature faces.. it was one heck of a reunion... i really had fun seeing evrybody again... so see you again next year in intrams 2008 or lets go to some place else? ^^

life without you is like life without myself

" As the day ends.. I have one thing on my mind... and that's how am I going to spend my lifetime with you... "

Hours turned to days then to months... spending a moment with you is like forever to me... I want time to suddenly freeze when you are with me... I never wanted the day to end... because I have no assurance that you will still be mine tomorrow....

"If loving you would be the greatest sin that a person can achieve... the I am the greatest sinner..."

how can I make you stay in my life... without you here with me shows how much my life is worthless... you make my life complete.... and everything I do it's all for you... I maybe a hopeless romantic... but what can I do? I am just inlove with you?

can i just have you forever...?

This Angel Had Already Flown Away...

Heaven Knows(This Angel Has Flown Away)
Orange and Lemons

There are times
When i'm lyin' in my bed
How i bellow and cry from this stupid get
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-out, swelling
As i keep on
Diggin' my face
In these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me...ohhhhhh

I'm so tiredI feel like catching forty-winks
Being up all night in this elbow-room
That puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now my lips are burning
And my eyes are hurting
From these fumes i make
Still i light another cigarette
Just to pass my time
Oh, heaven knows ho embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me..

I'm NOT OK!!!

" I'm not ok, I'm not fine... My heart is scourged torned apart, shattered with lies and promises, wounded by memories, bleeded by deception... Trying to move on but my knees are too weak, trying to stand but my body is too frail.. Though I'm smiling and laughing... I'm still NOT OK! "


I may look ok...
I may act fine..
but still my heart is broken...
Deep down inside I'm suffering..


In my life.. I only wanted you... I never asked for anything else but for you to stay right there by my side... I never wanted anything but you.. You told me I'm selfish, I only think of myself.. I never cared for anything less than what is right for me and for me only... dont you realize that I am not anymore thinking of myself... I am thinking you... If you find me unkind... you find me unfair... you find me wrong.. you find me childish.. you only see the negative side of me.. who is the one selfish?! who is the one who wanted only the positive side?! isnt it you?!

Im tired of being down.. Im tired of people pulling me down... Im tired of crying.. Im tired of wasting my time thinking if I am still worthy of something or someone... Im tired of being me... Sometimes I thought of the what you would feel... what others would feel if I am not around... but that is too selfish... but what can I do?! will I keep on crying?... will i keep on "going with the flow"? will I keep myself down?!

I thought you would be the one to pull me up... I thought you would be the one to help me... I thought you would change everything that was happening?!... I was wrong... and maybe because it was all thoughts and it was not really the reality... maybe I'm just dreaming that I met someone who is not you? I am trying my best to show you what I really am... I am trying my best to be the best... but what I am really trying to do? I am trying to be someone who live because of you... I am trying to be someone worthy of you... I am trying to be someone I'm not... You took away the pain... you took away my suffering... you took them all away... but for only a short time... you never noticed that you just returned them all back...

you never knew that what you are doing right now is the exact thing that your tried to remove... These things was your promises... but they all became you lies... it became only another scar in my heart and in my memory... are promises really mean't to be broken?..

yes... it was really mean't to be broken... just like other people's promise of power...wealth... love... authority... etc.. I never wanted more...

I never wanted anything... I just wanted someone to be there... someone to take the pain away... to take the suffering off my shoulders... but maybe it wasn't the right time... maybe it was only a joke... maybe it was not mean't to be removed... maybe... when will this pain be removed?.. Who cant remove this?.. maybe no one can...