life without you is like life without myself

" As the day ends.. I have one thing on my mind... and that's how am I going to spend my lifetime with you... "

Hours turned to days then to months... spending a moment with you is like forever to me... I want time to suddenly freeze when you are with me... I never wanted the day to end... because I have no assurance that you will still be mine tomorrow....

"If loving you would be the greatest sin that a person can achieve... the I am the greatest sinner..."

how can I make you stay in my life... without you here with me shows how much my life is worthless... you make my life complete.... and everything I do it's all for you... I maybe a hopeless romantic... but what can I do? I am just inlove with you?

can i just have you forever...?

This Angel Had Already Flown Away...

Heaven Knows(This Angel Has Flown Away)
Orange and Lemons

There are times
When i'm lyin' in my bed
How i bellow and cry from this stupid get
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-out, swelling
As i keep on
Diggin' my face
In these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me...ohhhhhh

I'm so tiredI feel like catching forty-winks
Being up all night in this elbow-room
That puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now my lips are burning
And my eyes are hurting
From these fumes i make
Still i light another cigarette
Just to pass my time
Oh, heaven knows ho embittered i am

'Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
I thought i had the strength to set her free
I did what i did
Because i love her so
Will she ever find her way
Back home to me..

I'm NOT OK!!!

" I'm not ok, I'm not fine... My heart is scourged torned apart, shattered with lies and promises, wounded by memories, bleeded by deception... Trying to move on but my knees are too weak, trying to stand but my body is too frail.. Though I'm smiling and laughing... I'm still NOT OK! "


I may look ok...
I may act fine..
but still my heart is broken...
Deep down inside I'm suffering..


In my life.. I only wanted you... I never asked for anything else but for you to stay right there by my side... I never wanted anything but you.. You told me I'm selfish, I only think of myself.. I never cared for anything less than what is right for me and for me only... dont you realize that I am not anymore thinking of myself... I am thinking you... If you find me unkind... you find me unfair... you find me wrong.. you find me childish.. you only see the negative side of me.. who is the one selfish?! who is the one who wanted only the positive side?! isnt it you?!

Im tired of being down.. Im tired of people pulling me down... Im tired of crying.. Im tired of wasting my time thinking if I am still worthy of something or someone... Im tired of being me... Sometimes I thought of the what you would feel... what others would feel if I am not around... but that is too selfish... but what can I do?! will I keep on crying?... will i keep on "going with the flow"? will I keep myself down?!

I thought you would be the one to pull me up... I thought you would be the one to help me... I thought you would change everything that was happening?!... I was wrong... and maybe because it was all thoughts and it was not really the reality... maybe I'm just dreaming that I met someone who is not you? I am trying my best to show you what I really am... I am trying my best to be the best... but what I am really trying to do? I am trying to be someone who live because of you... I am trying to be someone worthy of you... I am trying to be someone I'm not... You took away the pain... you took away my suffering... you took them all away... but for only a short time... you never noticed that you just returned them all back...

you never knew that what you are doing right now is the exact thing that your tried to remove... These things was your promises... but they all became you lies... it became only another scar in my heart and in my memory... are promises really mean't to be broken?..

yes... it was really mean't to be broken... just like other people's promise of power...wealth... love... authority... etc.. I never wanted more...

I never wanted anything... I just wanted someone to be there... someone to take the pain away... to take the suffering off my shoulders... but maybe it wasn't the right time... maybe it was only a joke... maybe it was not mean't to be removed... maybe... when will this pain be removed?.. Who cant remove this?.. maybe no one can...

another repost from my old blog

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Confession Of Love II

A letter from a friend…

I have kept this fear of losing your friendship. But I just can’t go on loving you without letting you know

I would like to share with you a letter from a friend. They say that it’s difficult to be a woman because you cannot express yourself a man can. When you feel something for a man, you just can’t shout it out because many people would tell you not to. When a woman falls in love with a friend, it becomes doubly difficult because the friendship is put at risk. More often than not, she would just keep her feelings to herself rather than letting the other person know and lose him in the end. It has always been said that the worst way to miss someone is when you’re sitting right beside him and cannot have him.
I know many women would find it unacceptable to be the first one to spill out their feelings but sometimes it’s the only way to find closure in a relationship that has been standing undefined for a long time. It is in the courage that she found to write and personally give this letter that we should find the reason to let someone know that we care. And if we do, it should not matter if the other person reciprocates our feelings because what matters most is not that we have failed, but we have loved and given unselfishly.

Dear Matt,
I know you will find this a bit unusual. I honestly can’t remember the last time I sent you a Christmas card. Two, three years ago? But it’s not Christmas now, yet I have this unexplainable urge to tell you something that I have been keeping inside for the longest time. You know I’m not that really that good when it comes to pouring my feelings. We have been friends for a long time and I can’t thank God enough for giving me the best eight years of my Life with. You see this is where it all started.
When I met you, I never thought we’d be this close. I thought it would just be like that forever. I guess somewhere along the way, I learned to anchor my hopes on something which I wasn’t sure I was supposed to feel in the first place. I don’t even know if it is right to tell you this but God knows how much pain I have been through just keeping this from you. I thought it was just fine to remain friends but every single moment that we share, drenches my soul with the longing to be closer to you. In many unspoken words, I have tried my best to show my feelings. My silence spoke a thousand times louder but I guess it never reached you. I need to tell you this, Matt. Otherwise, I will forever be trapped in the world of make-believe.
I guess it would be an understatement to say that “I Love you” because I don’t- I love you with all my life and my soul. I am not telling you this because I want you to love me in return. Selfish as it may seem, I think I owe this to myself. I just need to let you know how much you mean to me. I hope this won’t change the way you are to each other. I have kept this for fear of losing your friendship. But I just can’t go on loving you without letting you know. You will always be my friend and you will always be special. Finally I have broken my silence.
I Love you, Friend.

Philippine Daily Inquirer
Sunday Inquirer Magazine July 27,2003
Wrote by: Joe D’ Mango

just a repost from my old blog

Monday, May 24, 2004

Confession About Love I
Today as usual a ordinary day but am I really sure its just simple ordinary day?!

After scanning to different folders to different files I saw something that remembered me of you. As I go on and look around, each pictures and documents, it brought back memories of you and me. As I scan through them I started to reminisce. In each pictures I see only one thing. I saw love. Love in people’s mind is great affection and commitment to someone. But for me? Love is more than a feeling. But how can you say you love someone who left you for some reason but never sure if he will still come back for you?

Each day I said to myself, is this really love? Nobody can really tell what is love, but for me if this is really love, why does it hurt this much? To love and to be loved but at the end you will find out that you are a victim of a selfish relationship.

I met a guy whom changed my life, told me things that really touched me. I thought what I really felt will remain, but it wasn’t here to stay. The first month with him was great so great that later on it was difficult to move on. Challenges kept on coming but still we struggle to move on.

So many times I heard the words I LOVE YOU and so many times I said the words I LOVE YOU TOO but does these words your saying is sincere? I tried to understand, I tried to wait, I tried everything because I wanted you to know when I say those words I meant it and it was from my heart. You told me that what you feel for me was true and what I told you were true sooo true and will not change but why does our love started to disappear. For me I am true to my words but where you true to your words? Do you really love a girl if you left here because of a reason?! I know I must understand you but did you ever asked me how I feel and what I want to say?!

You told me not to let you go, I told you never would I let you go cause I love you. When I asked you not to let go you told me the same thing but did you really did it?!

Losing you broked my heart, I tried to mend it back but still the pain of you leaving still remained. I do really love you and this feeling is true, but did you do the same thing? I tried everything to talk to you but never did I receive a reply from you. I am still waiting for an answer, will it be I still love you too or I don’t want you anymore.

Now, whenever I reminisce I always tell myself, how long must I wait? Am I waiting for someone who will never return? Even if my heart is still aching it still stands up and tell you I am still in love with you even if you don’t love me in return.

I don’t know how long this will last but for you to know reply to me. This was never meant to happen, but it did. I am not saying that did not like it. But I want to let you know that I am thankful that it did happened. Thanks. At least I learned to love and to be loved. You will always be in my heart. ^_^

why is it so hard to make someone stay?

" To fight for you is one thing I cant do.. but what I promise you is that ill find a way just to make you stay... "


why is it so hard to make someone stay?

there are many reasons that may lead to this question.. its hard to make a friend, loved one, relatives to stay at your side... maybe you are thinking that if you asked the person not to go... your too selfish because you only want the person to yourself... maybe...

are we really selfish?

are we afraid of letting go of a person for our own sake?

but why?

simply because some people are afraid of walking on their own shadow without the person they want to be with... maybe we dont have enough self confidence and courage to stand even if our knees are wounded and our body's too fraile... we should keep in mind that maybe its all psychological ( is the spelling right? anyone? ) if we tend not to think about someone leaving us.. maybe we can still feel the prescence of this person... not physically but emotionally...

or people are just plain selfish...

are we?